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April 2016

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formal, beach

Rain

Title: Rain
Series: BeyBlade
Rating: T
Genre: Angst; Warning: Na; 
Ship/Character/PoV: Kai
Summary: Kai ponders Yuuya's death and what he could have done differently. Angst. Long drabble.
Words: 841
Disclaimer: Sadly, I only own in my head ;.;

~~~

At the start, he'd been annoyed. To be fair, it was entirely Yuuya's fault. He was such a fanboy, admiring Kai for everything he did or didn't do. That type of behaviour irked him. Then the brunette had gotten himself involved in his problems. He didn't pull out when Kai told him too... He was stubborn and his pride hurt when his idol didn't acknowledge him...

The bluenette wouldn't go so far as to say he was the sole reason Yuuya was dead, but he wouldn't deny a large part of the blame either. Stupid boy... Stupid, stupid boy... It was like the night when Dunga had smashed that window. It was night time and it was raining and Kai was staring (whether it was outside, at his reflection or trying to see what was in his own eyes, he still had no clue). The night was exactly the same. It was the atmosphere that had changed.

Kai had never been popular. Popularity was fickle and petty in his opinion. It had never bothered him. Though neither had having friends or people to care about until he met the Blade Breakers. When he'd started school, he'd been his usual aloof self. He hadn't deterred Yuuya, no matter how much everyone else ignored him and told the shorter male to quit it. But the brat had weaved himself under his pale skin and he found himself (reluctantly) keeping tabs on him.

Then the moron went and got himself killed. He'd been given leave from school, but had had to return to finish his exams (they'd finished today, and most of the students had already left to return home). The looks he got upon return... Kai refused to say he didn't deserve them. Without his fanboy at his side, the looks had turned from mild amusement to severe distaste. Yuuya had been one of the few people to ever defend his attitude problems and what had Kai done for him?

Yuuya... What if he'd done things differently? Who's to say the brunette wouldn't have gone after power anyway? Takao had tried to stomp him using Black Dranzer after all, and he'd failed miserably.

He doubted, even if he could magically go back in time, he would do anything differently. It... Sounded really horrible, truth be told. Made him appear like the bastard everyone thought him to be. But, helping Yuuya, even though he knew the boy would die... It wasn't him. He wasn't physically, no, emotionally, able. He could barely keep track of his own thoughts, his own demons, he'd probably mess up other people further. Kai'd never been emotionally adept.

Putting emotions into words and words into actions. Then making those actions were for the right reason at the right time and done in the right way. He had no idea how other people could do it without a problem. It was so frustrating! He wanted to help, truly, he did. When Yuuya was fighting Dunga, all he'd wanted to do was run to the boy. The bluenette knew he had no idea what would happen then. Yelling? A hit to the face?

That haunted his dreams. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Not being friends with Yuuya was irrelevant. It was what he could of done when the moment was at it's worst - when his friend was at his worst. Something, anything, would have helped. Right? ...Right.

His parents had been devastated. He'd seen them come from the the younger boy's room, hands filled with boxes, faces drenched with tears and despair. An older girl, maybe sixteen or seventeen, had been the last to leave. She had a box and a duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She was rather stoic as her hand fumbled to close the door. When she spoke to Kai, her words broke the fragments of himself he'd managed to start piecing together.

"You were Yuuya's friend right? I'm sure he appreciated you being there." The sound he'd made in response, he still couldn't describe it. It was animalistic and raw, but so quiet. A muffled wail or perhaps a swallowed protest. Either way it didn't matter. He couldn't stay there after that. Yuuya seemed to follow him. No, he didn't hallucinate and he wasn't imagining all the non-existant times they could have spent together.

It was like a nagging voice. Quiet and silent most of the time, but it was always there, niggling in his head. Yuuya's voice. But not. It was filled with scorn, berating him and saying how pathetic he was and how he was the world's worst friend. Sometimes it was Yuuya's voice. It was forgiving and soft. His sister's words transformed themselves. "You were my friend, right? Thanks for being there!"

But I wasn't. I should have been, but I wasn't. It wasn't often that it happened, but as Kai silently apologised, for possibly the millionth time, he watched as streams ran down his face in the window pain. And unlike the last time he'd stood here, it wasn't from the rain.

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